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Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Caramallows

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Caramallows

Ohhh yeahhhh.

Brother, cousin, or just close friend of the family to the chocolate covered marshmallows that I reviewed on an ill-fated day previous, Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Caramallows are as delicious a confection of a word as they are a delicious confection.

If you’re still with me after that bit of tortured grammar, than you must be wondering what Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Covered Marshmallows did wrong that Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Caramallows did right.

Well, for starters, they put caramel in it. A bunch of caramel. When you bite into one of these it’s pretty much half caramel half marshmallow. Mankind has wrought many a sweet treat but, with the possible exception of cookie butter, we have never made anything so tasty that a little caramel doesn’t improve it.

Second, obviously, is the wonderful product name, so whimsical that it makes me chuckle with mirth whenever my twinkling eye lights upon it.

And that’s all well and good, but as my most fervent, dedicated and imaginary readers have no doubt already noticed, neither of these two points refutes my argument against TJ’s regular old chocolate covered marshmallows – that they’re essentially just repackaged Easter candy. And, honestly, that criticism still stands, the only difference is that this is repackaged Easter Candy done right.

The thing that I really enjoyed about these guys, beside the tooth nuking sweetness of the caramel and marshmallow cream, is the bitter kick of the dark chocolate shell.

The cynic in me wants to chock up this sophisticated touch to the craze of putting dark chocolate on everything that you’re already putting milk chocolate on. Whether or not that’s the case, the bitter undertones of the dark chocolate act as a really wonderful counterpoint to the intensely sweet caramel and marshmallow. Of course, the other marshmallows had dark chocolate on them as well but the extra spongy texture of their marshmallow core made them practically bounce off your tongue. Where those were springy and chewy, the caramallows are ooey and gooey – they really just want to glue themselves to the top of your mouth and melt. That’s when the dark chocolate comes in, blunting the sugary edge of changing the character of the candy from empty calories to confection.

And that, ultimately, is where my preference falls. As death tugs the hem of my bath robe inexorably closer to the grave, I’ve noticed that I can’t just wolf down the sweets like I used to. When I do make room for them on the budget, I like them to be something special. There are a million ways to spin sugar into carbo lumps, and most of them aren’t worth wasting the chocolate on. Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Caramallows might be just as cheap, but they’re actually meaningful to eat.


The Breakdown

Would I Recommend Them: If you aren’t diabetic yet, pick up a box before the season ends.

Would I Buy Them Again: Yes, my girlish figure be damned.

Final Synopsis: A dark chocolate covered marshmallow that’s worth picking up.

Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate Caramallows - Nutrition Facts

Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Caramallows – Nutrition Facts

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3 Comments on “Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Caramallows”

  1. Rich says:

    Back again just in time for the holiday season 2014. These are a clone of the See’s Candy dark chocolate caramel mallows that you can find in their stores out in California and the western United States. And just as delicious. Sold only for a few weeks around the holidays, grab a box before they’re all gone for another year!

  2. Rich says:

    A few more thoughts, the See’s version is officially called Scotchmallows and are round not rectangular. The TJ version has a softer texture to the caramel. They’re $4.99 for a box of 10 this year, up from I believe $3.99 last year and $2.99 in 2012 but they seem to be quite a bit larger now vs last year’s version and also larger than the See’s Scotchmallows, so the extra dollar per box is a bit easier to swallow.

  3. laura says:

    Please bring back the Trader Joe’s Dark Chocolate Caramallows!


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