Trader Joe’s Sweet Sriracha Uncured Bacon Jerky
Posted: January 13, 2015 Filed under: Trader Joe's Brand | Tags: bacon, bacon jerky, five stars, glazed bacon, jerky, sriracha, Trader Joe's 3 Comments
Spicy, sweet glazed bacon. And also its jerky. Its everything.
Guys, you never know what you’re going to get in this world. Case in point, Trader Joe’s Sweet Sriracha Uncured Bacon Jerky. Just look at this stuff – it could so easily be the worst thing or the best thing I’ve ever eaten in my life, and there’s simply no way to tell. I mean, let’s just look at the name for a minute here. “Sweet Sriracha”. Already we’re in trouble. Sweet sriracha? Sweet? I’ve had some sriracha in my time, I’ve even reviewed Trader Joe’s own take on sriracha, but I’ve never had sweet sriracha. We’re two words in and I’m already completely out to sea.
Let’s press on.
“Uncured Bacon Jerky”. Alright, that didn’t stick – let’s try it again. “Uncured Bacon Jerky”. Nope, nothing. I have no idea what that phrase means. Bacon jerky? Bacon? Jerky? Do they mean dehydrated pork slices? If so why don’t they say “pig jerky” or “pork jerky”. Do they actually mean dehydrated bacon slices? Isn’t that just bacon? Isn’t bacon already the crispy, salty, dehydrated form of bacon? What is going on here? Am I loosing my mind? There are no two words in the title I can put together and have them make sense.
Look, I could go on, but there’s really no amount of words that are going to untangle this very confounding string of words. I guess we’re just going to have to crack the bag open and have a taste. And you know what, folks? If you do that, you are going to be absolutely floored by one of the most delicious, most addictive, downright tongue delighting foods Trader Joe’s has to offer. This bacon jerky is a sweet and spicy blast of terrifically chewy, sticky, bacon that you can eat straight from the bag and be delighted by the whole while.
Bacon jerky, by the way, is apparently a thing. It’s when you take bacon and marinate it in a bit of savory spices. In this case, the spices are the incredibly addictive sweet sriracha sauce – basically Trader Joe’s standard sriracah sauce, but toned down to a much milder level of hotness. Into this plenty of white sugar and honey have been mixed to make a sweet glaze with just enough fire to get your lips smacking.
The bacon itself is TJ’s standard “no nitrate added” uncured bacon, and its served up here in long, thin strips that stick together in one big gooey pile. To quote Lays, I bet you can’t eat just one. Bacon by itself is good enough, but add a sweet & spicy glaze to it, and you’re talking about an unbeatable experience.
The only mark against it is the presentation which, in gooey bag form, is less than stellar. Even then, I couldn’t keep my fingers from teasing off strip after strip and gobbling it down. If you happen to prefer something more refined, Trader Joe’s suggests using it in place of regular bacon on your BLT, or crumbling it onto salads, or even over mac and cheese.
Really there’s no way to go wrong with this stuff. These spicy, honeyed slices of portable, ready-to-eat bacon are winners from start to finish.
The Breakdown
Would I Recommend It: Not to orthodox Jews, but other than that yes across the board.
Would I Buy It Again: I’m not sure I would trust myself with another bag.
Final Synopsis: An evolution of the bacon experience that everyone should try!
Trader Joe’s Sweet Sriracha Uncured Bacon Jerky – Nutrition Facts
Trader Joe’s Crispy Crunchy Broccoli Florets
Posted: January 8, 2015 Filed under: Trader Joe's Brand | Tags: 2 stars, broccoli, Trader Joe's 22 Comments
Fried broccoli. Strangely, not an oxymoron.
I’ll admit I was very excited when I first saw Trader Joe’s Crispy Crunchy Broccoli Florets. Sure, there’s the obvious reason why – they’re insane. I can see someone going out and frying up a bunch of broccoli in palm oil – maybe an unhinged zealot misinterpreting a Biblical passage or a space alien taking its best guess at replicating human behavior – but to then go out and try and sell those fried florets? That’s downright brazen.
As I say though, that’s not the main reason I got excited when I saw these. The main reason is that I had high hopes they might be a healthy, maybe even tasty, alternative to my potato chip cravings. Alas, this isn’t the case. While the broccoli florets are tasty, in their own fashion, they are by no means healthy.
Let’s examine both of these surprising facts.
Tasty? Yes, definitely tasty – for a given value of tasty at least. The first thing to keep in mind is that these fried broccoli florets have exactly three ingredients – broccoli, palm oil and salt. If you buy these, you should expect them to taste like broccoli, and I certainly was. If you enjoy the taste of broccoli, you’ll find it we’ll preserved here – not at all depleted or ruined by the frying process. As for salt, there’s only a dash, to the tune of only 55mg of sodium (2% your daily value) for the entire bag. Trader Joe’s is content to let the hale, hearty taste of the broccoli speak for itself, and it does.
Taken alone this basic taste wouldn’t be very interesting, but the eponymous “crispy crunch” greatly helps it along. Each floret is dry, crunchy and enjoyable in it’s own right as an interesting texture experience – with a light taste and a mellow, green aftertaste. It’s not the taste sensation of the year, but if these florets were anywhere near as healthy as broccoli, they would be plenty tasty enough to justify a regular purchase as a healthful snack food replacement. That brings us to our second fact.
Healthy? Not at all. Our little 1.4 ounce (40 gram) bag of broccoli may only have 220 calories, but 130 of those calories, more than half, are from fat. That’s 15 grams of fat total, for 23% of your daily value. Of that 6 grams are saturated fat – 30% of your daily total! Shocking for broccoli, I’d say.
Let’s compare that to an equal serving of Trader Joe’s Kettle Cooked Olive Oil Potato Chips. 40 grams of that has only 200 calories and 10 grams of fat. Leaps and bounds healthier! The only real advantage they have over potoato chips is that the broccoli retains its nutrients, packing in a pretty decent amount of vitamin C, along with some vitamin A, calcium, and iron.
Without the health factor, there’s no reason to pick up these fried broccoli florets. They taste good enough – but not good enough to warrant that level of fat, when simple raw broccoli florets dipped in a little ranch dressing is not only healthier but far tastier to boot.
The Breakdown
Would I Recommend Them: No real reason to.
Would I Buy Them Again: I can’t imagine I will.
Final Synopsis: Fried broccoli that is less healthy and less good tasting than the raw stuff by a wide margin.
Trader Joe’s Crispy Crunchy Broccoli Florets – Nutrition Facts
Away for New Years
Posted: January 6, 2015 Filed under: Trader Joe's Brand Leave a commentHi all,
I’m still away on a New Years vacation. I’ll be back and posting regularly again this Thursday.
See you then!
Eating at Joe’s – Best of Trader Joe’s 2015 Round Up
Posted: December 30, 2014 Filed under: Trader Joe's Brand | Tags: best of 2014 3 CommentsAnother calendar year has fleeted its way by, and are we any richer for it? Why yes, indeed we are – for Trader Joe’s has brought forth another cornucopia of culinary delights and downright crazy concoctions. It was a year of many new foods to review – from Cruciferous Crunch to Uttapam. Here were my top ten favorite, presented in no particular order.
I never thought that I’d be putting Brussels sprouts on a list like this, let alone Brussels sprouts that have been crossbred with kale, but I suppose that’s just another example of the mystery of life’s many ways.
Trader Joe’s Kale Sprouts are a relatively brand new type of produce that combines the blends the best parts of kale and Brussels sprouts together, while downplaying their flaws. I took a liking to these little heads of “lollipop kale” – so much so that when it comes to cooking, I doubt I’d ever choose a bag of ordinary kale or Brussels sprouts over these ever again.
Trader Joe’s Harvest Blend Complete Salad
Trader Joe’s has long trafficked in the many and wonderful varieties of pre-made, single serving salads in a tub, but Trader Joe’s Harvest Blend Complete Salad was their first foray into pre-made, multi-serving bag salads. Even though it was hung upon the gimmick of “pumpkin in everything”, I found this salad’s flavors so well paired, and the salad itself so robust and filling, that I wouldn’t hesitate to put it toe-to-toe with any Trader Joe’s salad – period.
Here’s hoping TJ’s continues with this trend of bagged salads in 2015.
Trader Joe’s Cookies and Creme Cookie Butter
Trader Joe’s finally cracked the Cookie Butter conundrum this year with their startlingly new Cookies and Creme Cookie Butter. After putting out every variation on the original Speculoos Cookie Butter formula they could thing of, TJ’s finally branched out into whole new varieties of cookies to make the condiment out of.
Cookies and Creme cookie butter owes it’s inspiration to the Oreo cookie, combining thick veins of rich chocolate cream with rich vanilla crème. The result was almost overwhelmingly sweet – a short step down from eating frosting directly. For me it fell short of the glory of the original speculoos variety, but it also suggests a whole new galaxy of potential cookie butters to come. I’ll be keeping an eager eye on the cookie butter shelves this coming year.
Trader Joe’s Scallion Pancakes (Pa Jeon)
One of two, savory Asian pancakes I tried this year, Trader Joe’s Scallion Pancakes are an import of a Korean classic. TJ’s does justice to it’s origins with the dish, with this addictive dish. Whether eaten on their own, topped with chopped seafood, or doused with dipping sauces, these crunchy-on-the-outside, moist-on-the-inside onion-based flapjacks were an instant favorite of mine for any time of day. Possibly my favorite use of scallions ever.
Trader Joe’s Coffeehaus European Style Low Fat Yogurt – Mocha and Chocolate flavors
This was a strongly divisive product this year. My review may sound less than glowing – referring the the taste of this distinctly European yogurt as “sour chocolate” – but not unlike “sour onion” or “salt and vinegar” this was a combination of tastes that was novel, intriguing and surprisingly tasty. Certainly worth trying at least once, if only to experience such a uniquely European taste.
Trader Joe’s Aloo Chaat Kati Pouch
I would probably have added Trader Joe’s Aloo Chaat Kati Pouches to this list for the sheer lyricality of the name alone. Inspired by Indian street food, these on-the-go potato pouches are like the grown-up version of Hot Pockets. Healthier and tastier than those pizza wads, the aloo chaat kati pouch is a great way to eat a microwaved meal while feeling multi-cultural instead of like a sad loner. The only questions now is if Trader Joe’s will come out with more flavors of kati pouch.
I’m a sucker for any food product that I can’t pronounce the name of, and will purchase anything that fits that criteria on sight. In the case of Trader Joe’s 4 Kouigns Amann this worked out in my favor. Flaky Breton pastries with sweet caramelized bottoms, kougins amman have been making their appearance in trendy bakeries across the country. That Trader Joe’s lets you cook up these sweet rolls at home makes the experience all the better.
Trader Joe’s 4 Uttapam with Coconut Chutney
The other savory Asian pancake I tried this year also made it on to my best of 2014 list. A traditional Indian repast, Uttapam are thick, doughy pancakes made with a sort of sour dough bread and topped with diced onion and herbs. Totally different from the Scallion Pancakes, they nonetheless were a tasty and delightful new flat bread I was happy to stumble across. Topped with the included coconut chutney, or eaten as part of a larger meal, these Tamil treats are something everyone should give a try.
Trader Joe’s Cruciferous Crunch Collection
My personal darling this year. Now that I stock up on this stuff weekly, it’s hard to imagine a time before Trader Joe’s carried this astoundingly simple mix of shredded red and green cabbage, kale, and Brussels sprouts. Not only is it a wonderful addition to any salad, and a snap to cook, but the name is a masterpiece. I’ll be eating Trader Joe’s Cruciferous Crunch Collection for the rest of 2015, 2016, and so on until California finally snaps off and sinks into the sea.
Trader Joe’s Uncured Apple Smoked Bacon
You guys know I’m no fan of the Cult of Bacon and it’s knee-jerk worship of any food product that even has the word “bacon” in its name. Sure guys, it’s good stuff – fat and salt are a wondrous combination – but it’s not like we’re talking manna from heaven or anything.
That said, my knees literally went weak when I put a fried slice of Trader Joe’s Uncured Apple Smoked Bacon on my tongue. This is bacon worth singing the praises of. The smell alone as it crackles on the stove is enough to get every mouth in the house drooling. It’s more expensive than your ordinary side of bacon, but it’d still be a deal at twice the price.
Editor’s Choice: Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Joe-Joe’s
These are on the list only because I’m crazy. Their inclusion here has nothing to do with their taste, which was sort of average, but with the box design. Trader Joe’s commits to Pumpkin Season like moray eels commit to a bite. They are not screwing around, to put it mildly. Trader Joe’s box art on this box more elegantly sums up the peculiar pumpkin pyscosis that Trader Joe’s undergoes every October than my deluge of words – although I certainly tried – and for that it deserves special praise.
Obligatory Cookie Butter Entry: Trader Joe’s Cookie Butter Ice Cream
Ice cream with Speculoos Cookie Butter in it. ’nuff said.
Happy Holidays to One and All!
Posted: December 25, 2014 Filed under: Trader Joe's Brand Leave a comment
Happy Holidays everyone!
No post today as I celebrate the Yuletide with friends and family. I wish you all a Merry Christmas season – with more and merrier to come!
Trader Joe’s Kale Sprouts
Posted: December 18, 2014 Filed under: Trader Joe's Brand, Vegetables | Tags: 4 stars, Brussels sprouts, kale, Trader Joe's 5 Comments
Kale and Brussels sprouts – fused together? If it wasn’t such a good idea, it’d be terrifying.
We recently looked at the shocking explosion in popularity of the humble Brussels sprout. I myself have never considered myself much of a Brussels sprout man, although I’m occasionally tempted into the dish when sufficient quantities of bacon and cheese have been introduced. I’m also not much of a kale man, although I can occasionally be convinced to enjoy it chopped – if there’s enough good salad fixings to go with it. Why then, did I feel compelled to pick up a bag of Trader Joe’s Kale Sprouts – a product that is, somehow, exactly what it sounds like. Some twisted nutritional madman, in a decaying castle on some storm bitten crag, managed to fuse these two unfavorably regarded members of the Brassilica family into one lopsided ungainly form – perfect for haunting the dreams of obstinate children forever more. Surely this tinkering can’t work out well, can it?
Fortunately, I’ve matured far enough beyond my own childhood dislike of strange vegetables to actually give this unusual new plant a try. What I discovered was a veggie that combines the best of both its parents into a new form.
Despite owing it’s ancestry in half to Brussels sprouts, kale sprouts don’t look all that much like those infamous green buds. Instead, kale sprouts look like little heads of kale. In fact, kale sprouts are often referred to by their other name, lollipop kale – downplaying the Brussels sprouts side altogether. Don’t be fooled though – despite their very kale-like appearance if you saw kale sprouts at the farm, you’d see them growing off the sides of long, vertical stalks – exactly like Brussels sprouts.
Sauteed Kale Sprouts
This mixed pedigree is reflected in the taste – the kale sprout taste is almost exactly halfway between kale and Brussels sprouts. Robust, nutritious, crisp, fresh, and slightly bitter with a hint of pepperiness. As a result, you can cook them in any of the ways you would consider cooking either. Kale sprouts can be cut in half and roasted in the oven like Brussels sprouts just as easily as they can be sauteed with a touch of olive oil and salt, like kale – or simply thrown on a salad.
While I expected to be underwhelmed by these guys as a result of that “middle of the road” phenomenon, I was actually quite charmed by the little morsels. I hadn’t known it before, but I guess I’ve always wanted my Brussels sprouts to be leafier and my kale to have more body. Trader Joe’s Kale Sprouts manage to do both those things at the same time. It’s like they scratch an itch I didn’t know I had. In fact, I’d say I found them easier to cook, and friendlier to eat, than either of its progenitors.
Kale sprouts are an excellent addition to your produce pantry, and a versatile tool for many meals, from a hearty side for meat dishes, to an addition to your salad bowl, to a simple saute. Unlike so many produce hybrids that seem to be made exclusively for novelty purposes – like the saturn peach, or pluot – kale sprouts actually fill a meaningful role in the kitchen. Let’s hope they’re here to stay.
The Breakdown
Would I Recommend It: Yes, they’re handy, novel and nutritious.
Would I Buy Them Again: I would – they made me feel fancy.
Final Synopsis: A kale/Brussels sprout hybrid that combines the best of two worlds.
Trader Joe’s Pesto and Quinoa
Posted: December 16, 2014 Filed under: Condiments, Quinoa, Trader Joe's Brand | Tags: 2 stars, italian food, pesto, quinoa, trader 16 Comments
Yup, pesto and quinoa – that classic duo. Like ketchup and custard, salt and Dr. Pepper
Look, I know quinoa is enjoying something of a heyday, the likes of which has been unprecedented since the ancient grain was originally introduced as a staple of the human diet in 5,000 BC, but there are certain applications of it which are bound to make even the hippest vegetarian blink. I’ve calmly accepted quinoa in my salads, my “chicken”, and even in my sushi. But quinoa in my pesto? That’s a development that begs further inquiry.
Quinoa was originally cultivated in the Andes region of South America since the rise of civilization there. However, since it’s uptake by the incessant marketing machine in the mid 2000’s, quinoa has been trumpeted as a superfood for it’s many healthsome properties – some certified, some merely alleged – and introduced into practically any food product in need of a sales boost.
What is absolutely true is that quinoa is a gluten-free grain, and is relatively protein rich. Given that both these qualities dovetail nicely into the culinary trends of the day, its recent, widespread popularity should probably not be a surprise. It is notable however. Since 2006, the price of quinoa has tripled on the market even as crop production has nearly doubled world wide – and in 2013 no lesser body than the United Nations itself declared it the “International Year of Quinoa”. They had a logo and everything.
While the sudden rise of quinoa from obscurity to mainstay may sound unusual, it’s not alone. In fact pesto – yes the very pesto in this quinoa and pesto sauce – shares a very similar original story. Pesto may not have a pedigree that stretches back thousands of years, like quinoa, but it’s a lot older than you might think. The first bowl of pesto was found on the table of the ancient Romans who ate a paste of crushed herbs, garlic and cheese. As they conquested into northern Italy/southern France, the basil that grew there was introduced into the dish – resulting in the pesto we know and love today. And then nothing happened for two thousand years. Despite the fact that pesto took it’s fully mature form sometime before the birth of Christ, it was largely unknown out of the rustic Mediterranean regions where it sprang into existence.
Not until 1863 is the first recipe for pesto recorded, and it is not until nearly a hundred years after that, in 1946, that the first pesto recipe shows up in America. Even then, pesto continued to languish in relative obscurity until the 1980’s, when it started to be adopted into Italian cuisine on a wide scale.
So why combine these two long overlooked food items into one condiment? Why did Trader Joe’s bother to make Pesto and Quinoa?
When you try it, the first thing you’ll notice is that they might as well have called it pesto with quinoa, instead of pesto and quinoa. The point being that this is a pesto sauce, first and foremost, with the quinoa making a very meager impact on the overall dish.
Apart from the quinoa, this is a standad pesto recipe – filled with plenty of basil, oil and grated cheese. What it doesn’t have, however, is any pine nuts. In place of that crunchy nuttiness you get the squishy nuttiness of lots and lots of quinoa. This makes the pesto taste more or less like any other pesto you’ve had from a grocery store, even if it looks very very different. There’s so much quinoa in this pesto that it’s far and away the first ingredient. When you unscrew the lid you’ll see a load of quinoa, sprouts and all, staring back at you. If you can get over the somewhat unsettlingly different appreance, you’ll find that this pesto works just like the regular stuff – you can add it easily to pasta, chicken, fish or salads for that big sloppy kiss of savory basil. Just don’t expect it to spread quite like regular pesto. The quinoa makes it much lumpier than a normal pesto, and requires a little extra finesse on the part of the eater.
While that’s all well and good, it does make you wonder why Trader Joe’s bothered to make this stuff at all. There isn’t any real difference in the calorie or fat content between this and ordinary pesto. While I enjoyed it on a variety of meals, I didn’t enjoy it any more than I would have any other pesto. And with the slightly unappealing look and unweildly nature of the quinoa, there really isn’t any need to get it again. I’m glad TJ’s discovered a tasty Peruvian pesto, I’m just not so sure why they wanted to pas it along to all of us.
The Breakdown
Would I Recommend It: No, I don’t think so.
Would I Buy It Again: Nope, no need.
Final Synopsis: Pesto with a bunch of quinoa in it tastes just like pesto without quinoa in it. So why bother?
Trader Joe’s Speculoos Cookie Butter Cheesecake
Posted: December 11, 2014 Filed under: COOKIE BUTTER!, Desserts, Trader Joe's Brand | Tags: cheesecake, cookie butter, cookie butter cheesecake, Trader Joe's 1 Comment
Such non-descript packaging! Like an oyster shell hiding a pearl
Stop the presses folks. World shaking news is afoot.
Look, we all know and love Cookie Butter,we love it crunchy, we love it as ice cream, we even love it when it’s made from Oreo cookies. Now Trader Joe’s has taken it all two steps further by putting it on cheesecake. Yes, you read that right – cookie butter cheesecake – just in time for the holidays.
For those of you who are still, bafflelingly, in the dark about cookie butter, it’s that miraculous creamy substance that replaces the peanuts in peanut butter with ground up speculoos cookie. Reminiscent of sugar cookies and ginger bread, this creamy, sweet, smooth and delicious treat is so good that it makes peanut butter look like parsley. It’s simply fantastic.
What TJ’s has dared to do here is spread a thick shmear of cookie butter across the top of an ordinary cheesecake, then set the whole thing in a crust made from crushed up speculoos cookies. Brilliant move on both accounts. Resisting the temptation to mix the cookie butter into the cheesecake filling itself is absolutely the right move – choosing to let the cookie butter speak for itself instead of diluting it with lesser sugars. The cookie crust is just a little extra flourish that adds a tasty touch to an already very tasty cake.
As we’ve noted before, Trader Joe’s has struggled to trump their simple, flagship creation, ordinary cookie butter. The issue is that cookie butter is so good on its own that mixing it with anything – even if that anything is nutella, tastes less delicious. It’s like we’re dealing with cocaine – the more stuff you cut that sweet nose candy with, the less pure it becomes.
It’s a daunting task, but combining cookie butter with cheesecake is brilliant enough that it seems it might work. If there’s anything in this world as rich and decadent as cookie butter, it’s cheesecake. Maybe even more so! Isn’t it possible that the whole thing is going to be a mouth-melting act of dietary terrorism so rich that the smallest slice will overwhelm all but the stoutest gourmands?
Cookie butter. On a cheesecake.
As it turns out – no. Despite all the potential, cookie butter cheesecake falls short of its promise.
“How could that possibly be,” you may be wondering, “Given such a pedigree?”
Well, I’m certainly not saying it isn’t a good cheesecake. It is. It’s very good – sweet, creamy, smooth and delicious. No one will be turning down a slice of this cheesecake after dinner. It won’t be going back into the freezer for another day. This is a fine and tasty cheesecake that people will eat up despite themselves.
That said, I was disappointed by my first bite. I expect cookie butter to be exceptional, and this cheesecake isn’t particularly exceptional in any way. It’s entirely tasty, but it’s not going to blow your mind or anything. Again, that’s not really an insult. The cake is well thought through. Trader Joe’s obviously considered making a much more decadent cheesecake and pulled back. What you get is not as overwhelmingly sweet as you might imagine. Both the cheesecake filling and the cookie butter topping seems less intense than they usually are. Here, this works to their advantage. The one seems to mellow out the intense, rich taste of the other, making it much easier to enjoy a whole slice of this cheesecake than it is to enjoy a whole spoonful of cookie butter by itself.
While this works for the cake, and works quite deliciously, it doesn’t elevate the dessert to either the cookie butter or cheesecake hall of fame. The fact of the matter is that I’ve had other cheesecakes, non cookie-butter cheesecakes, that are better than this one. Given the immense calorie value and special occasion status of cheesecake, I’m looking for something stunning to put in my mouth – not merely good.
It’s a noble try, and a delicious one, but the quest for a superior form of cookie butter continues.
The Breakdown
Would I Recommend It: Yes, this is a pretty good cheesecake, and worth a try for cookie butter lovers.
Would I Buy It Again: Probably not. There are better cheesecakes (and cookie butter products) out there.
Final Synopsis: Good – but not as good as it sounds.
Trader Joe’s Speculoos Cookie Butter Cheesecake – Nutritional Info and Calories
No post today due to Brain Explosion
Posted: December 9, 2014 Filed under: Trader Joe's Brand Leave a comment
Hi everybody,
Sorry, but my brain melted down today due to crazy overwork. No post today, but we will learn about amazing things on Thursday! Come back soon!
Trader Joe’s Triple Tiered Chocolates
Posted: December 4, 2014 Filed under: Chocolate, Trader Joe's Brand | Tags: 3 stars, Chocolate, dark chcolate, gift, holidays, milk chocolate, Trader Joe's, white chocolate Leave a comment
Nice looking box, right?
Like a lake effect blizzard, the holiday season has descended on Trader Joe’s – only instead of snow, we find ourselves mired in drifts of seasonal holiday offerings. From artisanal mustard sets, to tea samplers to the return of Pink Himalyan Truffle Salt, the shelves are again overflowing with slightly over-priced, niche items in attractive packaging. Frankly, I love it. Trader Joe’s holiday gifts are the second most jolly time of the year for a Trader Joe’s food review blogger – second only, of course, to the annual Pumpkin Madness.
Our impulse buy today is Trader Joe’s Triple Tiered Chocolates. This is one of those ideas that’s so stupid it’s brilliant or, possibly, vice-versa. I’m not sure why I haven’t seen anything like this anywhere else before, because the idea has been sitting in plain sight for decades. Simply put, TJ has taken slice of white chocolate, a slice of milk chocolate, and a slice of dark chocolate and stacked them all together into one chimeric, hybrid chocolate treat.
There are two things going on here with this new chocolate, and I’ll start with the most important one. This is unmistakably a gift item first, and a chocolate treat second. The difference is sometimes subtle, but basically comes down to the packaging. From the box design, to the font, to the presentation of the chocolates themselves, Trader Joe’s Triple Tiered Chocolates have been designed to look good first and taste good second.
Chocolate is a very safe niche in the holiday gift giving world, and this product fills it expertly. Just look at the box, for instance. Who packages seven chocolates in a box only 3 inches wide and 18 inches long? Someone who’s trying to make an impact with fancy packaging, that’s who. Hand this out to a co-worker / in-law / mail carrier and you’re going to get a little an “Aww” on the box alone . No question – it makes an impact.
Fancy chocolates in their own little rooms.
But once we actually get the box open, how do the chocolates themselves stand up? Well, for one, they’re chocolate. As we’ve talked about before there’s not really any such thing as “bad” chocolate. Having any chocolate is a preferable existence to having no chocolate, and this is by no means a bad chocolate – although Trader Joe’s makes things tricky by combining the three different types together.
While there are certainly plenty of people who define themselves as “chocolate lovers”, these people generally break along the dark chocolate / milk chocolate line. Combine those two into one chocolate, and then add a layer of the always divisive white chocolate, and you have a confection that’s going to simultaneously delight and disappoint people.
You could bring up the argument here that Trader Joe’s probably didn’t need to bring in white chocolate at all. After all, white chocolate isn’t even technically a chocolate, but a sugar-and-fat-derived chocolate wannabe. Considering that a simple milk chocolate / dark chocolate blend would be sure to sell just as many boxes, if not more boxes, than one that also includes white chocolate, I makes you think that maybe the white chocolate is just there to be visually pleasing.
While I’m sure that’s true to some extent, the white chocolate here actually elevates Trader Joe’s Triple Tiered Chocolates to a strange new level. Never, before taking a bite of this stuff, have I stuck these three very different types of chocolate into my mouth at the same time. The result is something I wasn’t expecting – the flavors melt into one another in a complex interplay. The waxy, sugary taste of the white chocolate, normally cloying, is ameliorated by the flow of the sweet milk chocolate and bitter dark. The result is an intriguing storm of cocoa and sugar, teasing your taste buds this way and that. Certainly enjoyable to savor as it melts upon the tongue.
Unfortunately the chocolates are too big to pop into your mouth all at once. Instead, you have to bite through the three, firm, thick layers – a surprisingly difficult feat. Even after you manage it, the chocolate layers have a tendency to come apart under the pressure, leaving you a potential mess in your fingers.
All in all, I’m satisfied with the purchase. It makes an interesting gift, but also manages to stand on it’s own as an intriguing, if not overwhelming, chocolate confection.
The Breakdown
Would I Recommend It: Sure, this could make a nice Christmas gift.
Would I Buy It Again: Not for myself, maybe for others.
Final Synopsis: A handful of novelty chocolates in fancy packaging.
Eating At Joes 
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